Cheating With Wireless Anal Beads

Sometimes you don’t know whether to poop or go blind.  Hans Niemann is kicked out of the STL chess club because he supposedly wore “wireless anal beads” to cheat. Really?  I hope somebody in the STL leadership has a house, because it’s Niemann’s now.  Of course, he will sue them.  The accusation is so humiliating and absurd.

But how did someone in the STL leadership get the idea that the anus might be involved?  This is interesting.  Niemann could have hidden such a putative device on many parts of his body in order to get supposed signals about chess moves.  Like the armpit.  But the anus?  Weak-minded people prone to conspiracy theories have a weakness for the anus.  It’s such a taboo-ed part of the body that yes, of course, it must be involved in a conspiracy.  I’m actually surprised that QAnon has not discovered the anus.  But maybe they have, and they just aren’t telling anybody about it yet.

I think that, as the anus becomes increasingly a routine part of sex play, its use as a symbol for awfulness will decline.  But until that happens, the Niemanns of this world had better make sure they’re clean, in a sense . . . .



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