Celebrities endorse sex toys.  Why is this even a story?  Would “Celebrities endorse toothpaste” be as newsworthy?

This story would be remotely interesting only if there were a big portion of the population against sex toys.  But outside of Sunday school, who’s opposed to sex toys?

There are basically two kinds of sex toys:

Masturbatory aids as sex toys for men and women.  For women, the range of vibrators and dildos is comparable to the variety of cookies on sale at the supermarket.  It’s basically an entire aisle.  Ditto for sex toys.  XBIZ publishes several glossy monthlies that are supported with ads (XBIZ World, XBIZ Premiere).  The ad section for vibrators is just endless.  Women use these in the interest of self-pleasuring.  Who has a problem with this?

For men, as well, there are a variety of “sleeves”: devices you can poke your member into for a supposedly exquisite experience.  Famous porn stars have plaster casts make of their perineums which are then sold as masturbatory aids.  “Hey, you’re having a private masturbation experience with Betty Boop’s vagina and anus!  Far out!”  Admittedly, these are a bit tacky.  Can you image telling your pals over a round of beers that you have Betty Boop’s perineum in your closet and that you are going to visit it when you go home?  Pathetic.

Bondage aids as sex toys.  The whole bondage scene has exploded since the publications of Fifty Shades of Grey (which is sometimes abbreviated as FSOG) in the way that the rock scene exploded with the Beatles.  Cosmo is full of bondage: the restraints, the little whips that don’t really hurt very much, and the leg spreader bars.  And even though Ana in FSOG was a bottom, the market is aimed at women who want to be tops.  This is quite in line with the new female empowerment of recent years.  “You’re the boss in the office — make that in bed, too.”

But it’s not just a political thing.  Many people do respond erotically to the notion of being completely in control or being completely submissive in a scene.  But you need equipment to make this work.  She should be dressed in leather.  That’s the bondage uniform.  (One often sees latex as well, but that’s only for people who can’t afford real leather.  A pair of thigh-highs can easily cost a thousand dollars.)

In today’s media, everything that I’ve just written is almost entirely uncontroversial.  So I’m uncertain it should be newsworthy that Cardi B is endorsing sex toys.  Cardi, when are you going to make a video of you whipping your boyfriend available?